When any man engages in pornography and the assumed personal sexual gratification that follows, there is some form of fantasy created in the brain. On some level, there is an imagined encounter with the “chosen” female. The gist of this mental game is “if today, I was given the opportunity, I would have sex with this woman. However, she is not physically available, so I will use these pixels to arrive at ‘the next best thing.’” Which is why this falls into the category of sexual sin for a single man (Col. 3:5, 1 Thess. 4:3) and Jesus’ clarification of adultery found in Matthew 5:27-28.
In my book, The Knight’s Code, as well as in my live teaching, I talk about Dawson McAllister’s definition of lust where he states, “Lust is caring more for a woman’s body than her soul.” The beauty of marriage is that we have access to both soul and body, but in any other context, we must make the choice between body and soul, physical and spiritual.
Now, as Christian men, we all understand the battle between spirit and flesh. We know clearly when the spirit wins and when the flesh does, when the body wins and the soul wins. Let me offer you an analogy, applying Dawson’s definition in a “real life” setting.
You are led down a dark hallway in a secret location. You are told no one knows where you are and your absence will not be detected anywhere. What happens in the next two hours will never be reported or known. You are placed in a room with one of the females you’ve viewed only on-screen. Here she is. Very real. Very available. No one will know—except you and her. Well, and of course, God.
Does your flesh take over? Forget everyone and everything and listen to your testosterone? What about your spirit? Is it screaming to run or is it now calloused and silenced from the days and hours of screen gazing? What happens?
An action has to be taken. React or retreat. Flesh or spirit. You might think, “Well, Jesus doesn’t understand how hard this situation would be.” . . . Oh, really?
In John 4, Jesus is alone at an isolated well. The disciples had gone into town to get food. A woman “of ill repute” shows up to get water while the other women aren’t around. They’re all alone. She is attractive enough to have had five husbands and now living with a guy. How is this setting not that much unlike the imaginary one I have proposed? How do we know that this wasn’t one of those “opportune times” that Satan said he would wait for to get Jesus? Just because we aren’t literally told this situation was a temptation, why should we assume it wasn’t? (Hebrews 4:15) Alone, isolated, outside of town, with an attractive, easy woman who was obviously searching for attention and love from men. But He didn’t add to her hurt and distrust of men, He changed her heart.
Interesting vantage point on a familiar story, is it not? So, then if Jesus were led into our imaginary room, He might say something like, “Honey, put your clothes on. Let’s talk about your heart and where you’re going.”
For Christian men, the best answer would be to run, as we are encouraged in Proverbs to do. But wouldn’t it be cool to know you could get to the place of maturity to say, “Get dressed, because I got Someone you need to meet and I’m going to tell you about how He changed my life. This is a Man Who will never hurt you and you can trust Him.” Wouldn’t it be awesome to be overwhelmed by the passion to see only a wounded soul? To see just a scared and hurt young lady looking for approval and someone to care. Like 99% of the ones on the screen.
Scene’s over. Body or soul. Flesh or spirit. Woman at the well or woman on the screen. It’s really not so much a question of what do we do with her, is it? It’s really more a matter of what do we do with Jesus.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men this is impossible, but all things are possible with God.” —Matthew 19:26 AMP